Virgin Mary?
by 17daysgreys
Summary: While some things aren't drinks conversation, one of those is April Kepner's virginity. Follow this AU story where Jackson Avery tries to understand his best friend a bit more. Eventually Japril.
1. Curiosity Killed the Cat

A/N: This is a completely AU story, so please give it a chance. Although it may not seem like it right now, this is a Japril story.

* * *

April Kepner had never been the one to be the center of attention, hell she normally was a wallflower, and she liked it that way. That was until her co-workers started badgering her about whether or not she was a virgin. She didn't know why she lied to them, why she told them she was, when in all actuality she was the complete opposite. They wouldn't understand they would never get her and what she believed in. She couldn't mention God to them; she could only imagine the look of sheer disgust on Cristina's face; that was enough for her to keep her mouth shut. But, no April Kepner was definitely not a virgin, she was a widow.

April Kepner, the woman who most of the other surgical residents deemed as too cheery and neurotic used to be married. However, that was a long time ago. She had married Matthew Taylor when she graduated college. The ceremony had been simple and sweet, partly because they were recent college graduates on a budget and partly because they didn't need anything flashy. They had been on the same floor freshmen year and grew inseparable, and he proposed the summer after their junior year. April had an internship in Chicago and when she came back at the end of the summer he got down on one knee and proposed, telling her that he never wanted to spend another night of his life away from her. He was her best friend and if it hadn't been for a car crash two years into medical school he'd still be here.

She didn't talk about it with the other residents at Mercy West, it wasn't worth bringing up. She was a widow, but more importantly she was a doctor and she didn't want anyone looking at her with pity. She missed Matthew, everyday, but at least she still had a piece of him. Their daughter, Claire Isobel was born eight months after he had died, and unfortunately Matthew had never found out about her. Now, April Kepner had a six year old, was a resident in one of the top surgical programs in the country, and a virgin according to her co-workers, if only they knew.

April Kepner lived about thirty minutes away from Seattle Grace Mercy West, it wasn't the most convenient location ever, but it was the house she and Matthew had bought together and she had no intentions of leaving it.

Everything in the house was still the same, same couch, same books lining the bookshelves, same throw pillows, same everything. Losing him had been the most difficult experience of her life, and it had taken her years to get over it. She still wasn't "over it", in a way a part of her would always love Matthew, but she knew that she eventually should start dating again. It was just hard. But every time she got out of bed and saw how lumpy her side was compared to his, even after all these years she still didn't have the heart to sleep on his side of the bed to even it out, her heart would sink. She needed someone to even out the bed.

* * *

"Morning sunshine," April said as she knocked on Claire's door. The little girl's dark brown hair was splayed all over her pillow and she was clutching her penguin stuffed animal, Gary, for dear life. She had been sleeping with it since she was a baby and April was sure that she was more attached to Gary than to her.

"Uhhh," the recently turned, six year old groaned back.

"Up," April instructed firmly, "It's time for you to greet the day."

"But I don't want to, can't I just stay here?" April smiled at her daughter, she and her did think alike when it came to appreciating their beds and that blissful extra five minutes of sleep in the morning. However, unlike her daughter, April was a morning person, having grown up on a farm and getting up at the butt crack of dawn you get pretty used to it.

"You," April paused, "Missy moo, have school. Now let's go, or do you want me to pull these covers off of you?" The little girl shot up out of bed like a rocket.

"I'm going."

"Good, now get dressed and I'll have breakfast ready in a few."

April made her way downstairs where she started making Claire some scrambled eggs and toast. Even if she only had a little bit of time in the morning with her daughter, April cherished it.

"Eggs and toast for you, milady," April joked.

"Thanks mommy," the little girl smiled back.

"So, I like the outfit today." The young girl was wearing her denim skirt with pink tights and an even brighter pink top; she certainly was a girly girl.

"Mom, it's fashion. You wouldn't understand, you wear scrubs all day." April laughed at her daughter's sassy comments, if she hadn't been in the delivery room some days she could have guessed her daughter belonged to one of her sisters not her.

"Hey, I look cute when I'm not in scrubs. And you know why?" she looked at her daughter intently, "It's because I have the best stylist helping me." She kissed her daughter's cheek, "Now, eat up and I'll drive you to school then I have to get to work."

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you work so much?"

"Well," she paused not really knowing how to answer her daughter. Truthfully she worked so much because it helped her forget about Matthew. It helped her to not feel like she was the poor, sad widow who spent all day pent up in her house crying over spilled milk. It made her feel useful. And it also made her feel like she was doing right by him, he had always encouraged her to pursue medicine, so in a way she was honoring him by becoming a surgeon, even if it took this much out of her. So, April collected herself and answered her daughter pleasantly, "Because mommy is learning how to be a surgeon and surgeons save lives."

"So you're like a superhero?" April's daughter loved superheroes too, mainly because April didn't want her daughter only reading princess stories about damsels in distress, she made sure her daughter had a well-rounded pop culture and geek filled repertoire of references.

"Sort of," she smiled, "I guess you could say I am." This caused the little girl to laugh, revealing her bright dimples that were just like April's.

The morning had gone well, dropping Claire off at school hadn't been a nightmare like it was last week when Mrs. Carlson refused to stop talking to the crossing guard. It had caused April to be late and she got kicked out of Sloan's surgery. No one at the hospital knew about Claire, except for Dr. Weber who was the program advisor. She had asked him to be discreet about it, because she was there to do her job and not be judged about having a kid. He only knew for legal reasons, but still it made her uncomfortable that someone knew.

* * *

With a coffee in one hand and a blueberry muffin in another, April made her way down to the E.R. before she ran into Alex Karev and the others. They had gone out drinking on Friday night, when Claire had a girl scout's meeting and then a sleepover at Maggie Anderson's house and that's when April had lied to them about being a virgin. She didn't know why she said it, why she practically yelled like a basket case that she had never spread her legs for anyone. It wasn't like they would have judged her, honestly, it seemed as if they were judging her more for being one. She sighed, knowing that she'd have to face the beast anyway, so she went to greet them.

"Morning you guys," she said to Cristina, Alex, and Meredith.

"Morning, Kepner," Meredith replied.

"How was your patient yesterday, I heard he went on triple bypass," April tried to converse with Cristina, anything would be better than addressing the obvious elephant in the room.

"He's fine," she shortly replied.

"So, why haven't you done it yet?" The crass Alex Karev asked her.

"Excuse me?" She replied.

"Alex," Meredith scolded him, "I told you not to bring that up," she said not so quietly under her breath.

"I mean, why haven't you done it. You're an attractive woman, someone die or whatever?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about Alex," she huffed, "Besides I'd really rather not talk about it. Thank you."

"April, you know it would help you loosen up if you just did it, sex really isn't that big of a deal," Cristina added.

"Well it is a big deal to me and besides my personal life is none of your guys' business." She was angry, why would they not let this go? So, she hadn't had sex, what was it to them?

"April, we're your friends and we want to see you happy. I've never seen you date or even look at a guy for more than thirty seconds," Meredith kindly said, "I know a guy up in radiology who would love to take you out, I could ask him if you'd like."

"Meredith," April said coldly, "I do not need you to pimp me out. I'm fine. I'm not looking to date, not until after our residency is over and I have my fellowship. There are just too many moving pieces for me to put any type of focus on a relationship."

"Not to be rude," Cristina chimed in, "But have you ever had a boyfriend?" April didn't know why that particular comment made her blood boil. Of course she had, had boyfriends back in high school that were more like friends who went to the movies and shared the same thing of popcorn. She had only had one serious boyfriend, one boy who swept her off her feet, but now he was buried.

"Yes, I have," she coldly replied.

"And?" Cristina asked, anticipating the answer, "Did you scare him away with your peppiness?"

"You know what," April stood up, "I don't have to take this, so she turned her heel and was on her way to E.R. Her trauma rotations were her favorite, something about the fast pace of the E.R. made her feel alive. It also reminded her of Matthew, he was a paramedic, God she wished that he'd still be alive, she could imagine him bringing patients to her and them going to get lunch when their shifts aren't busy. She sighed as she touched her wedding ring and his, which were on a necklace that she tucked under her scrub top. Today was going to be one of those days, wasn't it?

"What's her problem?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I don't know. Something's definitely up with her," Cristina added.

"Maybe we should ask Jackson, he'll probably know what's going on," Meredith stated.

Jackson and April had started their internships together at Mercy West before it merged with Seattle Grace, and although they hadn't been the best of friends there they still knew each other and leaned on each other. Now at Seattle Grace Mercy West, he was practically her other half. He was the one who pulled her into the friend group with Alex, Cristina, and Meredith, and he was certainly the one that knew how to make her feel better. April had been so grateful for her friendship with Jackson, he was everything she needed in a man and then some.

* * *

April was in her fourth year of residency and she had declared trauma as her specialty. She loved the adrenaline rush that working in the pit gave her. When a trauma came in, and you were on the front lines, you were the determinant in whether they lived or died. She felt useful and important and powerful.

"Dr. Benson," she called to her intern, "What do we have?"

"Bed 3 has stomach pains, bed 2 diarrhea, and bed 1 fell off her scooter and looks to have a broken wrist."

"Okay, get me x-rays for bed 1, and I'll go check on the others."

"Great, I can't believe it's so quiet today," Dr. Benson mentioned.

"No, you did not just say the Q- word?"

"What?"

"You never say that in an E.R., now we're going to get bombarded with patients."

"Dr. Kepner, I never knew you were superstitious."

"Kepner, Benson, I need all hands on deck, we have a semi versus a prius and the semi won," Dr. Owen Hunt called out.

"See," April gloated, "Never say an E.R. is quiet." April went to grab a yellow trauma gown and waited outside with Owen. She hated getting car accident victims, especially since it reminded her of Matthew and his accident, which also involved a semi.

* * *

Six years ago she got that fateful call that her husband was involved in an accident. He was driving in the left lane on the freeway, and a semi changed lanes in front of him. Matthew's car went under the semi and he lost control, hitting the median. He suffered a subdural hematoma and was declared brain dead about an hour after making it to the hospital. April never got the chance to say goodbye. She remembered what it felt like to sign those papers, the ones that took away her husband's life support. She knew it wouldn't have been what he would have wanted, but it didn't make it any easier. And the worst part it; she had asked him to come home early that night, that's why he was speeding down the freeway. She had planned on telling him that she was pregnant. She had taken a test that morning and it had come out positive. They weren't actively trying for a baby, but she knew he would have been thrilled at the idea of one.

" _Mrs. Taylor," the doctor greeted her, "I'm Dr. Charles."_

" _Yes, how is he? Is Matthew alright?" He sat down next to her and that's when she knew._

" _I'm sorry, but despite our best efforts, his injuries were simply too severe and we were unable to resituate him."_

" _Oh my God," she gasped quietly._

" _I can take you to see him if you'd like."_

" _Could I have a minute please?" She asked him._

" _Sure," he replied. He didn't leave her alone; he just sat there with her quietly. She had never seen a doctor be so patient with the loved ones of family members. The shock was starting to wear off a bit, and Doctor Charles was sitting there with his hands folded in his lap. She wondered what he was thinking. Did he pity her? Did he feel responsible? Did he hate this part of the job? Of course he did, this was the absolute worst part of being a doctor, telling the family members of your patients that you failed._

" _I'm ready," she quietly said._

" _Alright, if you just follow me," he extended out his hand to help her up and then the two of them made it, in silence, to Matthew's hospital room._

 _He looked like he had been sleeping; if she hadn't seen the machines that were connected to her husband she would have thought so. He looked peaceful._

" _Was it," she croaked, "Was it painful?"_

" _No, he went peacefully. He more than likely didn't feel a thing," Dr. Charles comforted her._

" _That's, that's good. That's uh, really good."_

" _I'll leave you two alone for a bit," he said as he exited the room._

 _April walked over to her husband's bedside, and took his hand in hers. His skin was still warm. His chest was moving up and down, logically she knew that he wasn't in there anymore that the Matthew she had known and fallen in love with had gone to a better place. But, it didn't make it any easier, knowing that the rest of his body worked just fine, it was just his brain that didn't work. She took his hand and placed it gently on her stomach._

" _I was going to tell you when you got home, I had it all planned out for you, I even bought a t-shirt that says 'World's Best Dad'," she laughed at the idea, "Matt," she held back tears, "You're gonna be a dad." A single tear fell onto her cheek, "Were going to be a dad." And with that she sobbed like a baby. She climbed into her husband's hospital bed, wrapped his arm around her, and cried into his chest for what felt like hours. She knew it wasn't the most appropriate reaction, but she didn't care. She just needed him to hold her one last time, but more than anything she needed to hear him say that everything was going to be okay._

 _A soft knock came at the door, "Mrs. Taylor?" Dr. Charles inquired. He was shocked to see the widow's body sprawled over her husband's. She didn't need to look up; she knew he had the papers for her to sign his end of life care and for his organ donation._

" _I need a pen," she softly said._

" _We don't need to do this now, I can come back later."_

" _Get me a damn pen," she screamed causing Dr. Charles to step back in anticipation, and then the tears came even harder than before. Despite everything in his medical training that told him not to, he hugged the red-headed woman, held her as tightly as he could and let her cry into his shoulder for as long as she needed._

* * *

"Kepner, got Benson looking into trauma too?" Owen asked, trying to make polite conversation before the ambulances arrived.

"You could say that," she kindly replied.

"I'm going into cardio," Benson said, causing April to give him a 'stop-talking stare'.

"Cardio?" Owen scoffed, "My wife's in cardio, so if you ever want any O.R. time good luck. And besides, trauma is where all the hardcore surgeons are, right?" Owen looked at April.

"Right," she smiled back.

The ambulances arrived two minutes later and Nicole popped out the back, introducing April to her patient. Twenty-four year old, Caucasian male, named Jonathan Granger.

"BP is 120 over 75, lost consciousness in the field, has a pretty bad head trauma. He hit his head on the steering wheel; airbag faulted and didn't go off. Poor guy; hit the median pretty hard." April swallowed loudly, his accident was sounding awfully similar to Matthew's.

"Let's get him into trauma 1," Owen instructed, "Kepner, you got this?"

"Yes chief," she replied, "Let's go Benson."

Despite all her best efforts, the patient was declared brain dead by Derek Shepherd within an hour of his arrival, due to a subdural hematoma.

"Do you want me to inform the family?" Derek asked.

"No, he was my patient, I can do it," April calmly replied as she tore her gloves forcefully off her hands.

"Okay," Derek said as turned to leave the room, before leaving he said, "Don't take this one too hard, there wasn't anything you could have done."

"I know. Thank you Dr. Shepherd."

April tore off her trauma gown and left the E.R. to go and find Jonathan's family. The whole situation felt like déja vu for her and she hated it.

* * *

She saw a young woman in the waiting room, her blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and she had on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater. She looked like she hadn't been crying, she looked hopeful, and that's how April knew it was her. Because she was once the woman who was told her husband had been in a car accident, and she naively thought that he'd be able to survive it. Clearly this woman thought so to.

"Are you Mrs. Granger?" she asked politely.

The woman was bobbing her leg nervously, but other than that her demeanor was relatively calm, "Yes, I am. Are you John's doctor?"

"I am. I was there when your husband was brought in."

"Is John okay, can I see him?" The woman asked as she stood up, excitedly.

"Mrs. Granger," April said calmly, and the woman sat back down hands gripping the arm rests of the chair so tightly her knuckles turned white, "Despite our best efforts, your husband's injuries were too severe and he is brain dead."

"No, no that's not possible. John was just coming to meet me for lunch."

"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Mrs., Granger," she genuinely said trying her best to console the woman. April sat down next to her and listened to Mrs. Granger.

"Emma, my name's Emma."

"Emma, is there anything I can do for you? Would you like to see him?"

"I just need a bit of time to process this. I mean, this morning I was making my husband pancakes in bed and now I'm going to have to pick out his casket. It all seems unreal."

"I know; it's never easy," April sighed, "I'll give you a minute then I'll take you to go an see him." April got up to leave, but then was stopped by Mrs. Granger.

"No, please stay." April pleasantly obliged and sat back down with her patient's widow.

"You know, we've only been married for three months. We had only been dating for six months before he proposed and then we got married that weekend. Seems silly that we rushed into things so quickly, but when you know, you know. And boy did I know." April put her hand out and Emma placed hers in it, "He was my best friend. And I know everyone says that about their husbands, but this is the truth. There won't ever be another man like John. He was courageous, charming, caring, he would cook for me, he'd tell me every day how beautiful I was and even at 6:00 in the morning when I had just woken up so I knew he wasn't lying. I just don't know how I'm supposed to live in a world where he doesn't exist."

"It's never easy," April began, "To live without them."

"Have you ever lost anyone, Dr. Kepner?" The question seemed a bit personal, but April wanted to ease the pain of the widow, and so she told her, her story.

"Yes, my husband died six years ago."

"Does it ever get easier? Will the pain ever go away?"

"It never really does, it'll linger for a while and it'll sting like Hell every time you think of him, but eventually it'll hurt less and less until it doesn't hurt at all anymore. But when I look at our daughter and I see him in her it reminds me that things are going to be okay," she smiled at the thought of Claire.

"I think I'm ready to go and see him now," Emma said softly. April led her to her husband's room and let her say goodbye to John. She was saying goodbye to not only her husband, but to the future she had imagined having with him and that was the most difficult pill to swallow.

* * *

The rest of the day in the pit was long and exhausting and April wanted more than anything to drive home and get to see her daughter, who was probably asleep by now. It was already 9:00 p.m. and even though it happened frequently, April hated missing tucking her daughter into bed. Matthew's mother was fantastic and so understanding; she was from Seattle so she'd take care of Claire whenever April had a late shift or whenever she felt like seeing her granddaughter. It was nice, it Francine's presence kept Matthew alive for the both of them and that made her incredibly happy.

"Tough day in the pit?" Jackson Avery asked. Jackson had become April's best friend as of late. He was kind, considerate, and he was the owner of the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. After the shooting they had really leaned on each other, especially since both their best friends died that day. He didn't really understand how April got through their deaths with such dignity and class, he never saw her cry or break down, and that was because April had done this before and he knew it. He never asked her who died or what happened, it wasn't his business, but he still wanted to know. His curiosity was certainly getting the better of him.

"You can say that," she responded.

"Did you lose any patients?"

"Yeah," She somberly replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He sat down next to her and looked at her, she had clearly been crying.

"No," she paused, "Not really."

"Are you okay, April?"

"Of course I'm okay, why would you ask that?"

"I mean the other day at Joe's, and then your patient today. You just seem stressed, that's all." Boy he did not even know how stressed she was or how in the slightest this day was killing her.

"I'm fine, really," she looked up at him and forced a smile.

"Okay, well we're going to Joe's if you want to come."

"Sure, let me just get changed and I'll meet you up front."

"Okay," he replied.

She quickly whipped out her phone and texted Francine that she was grabbing a drink with her co-workers, which she normally did every Friday night. It was nice to have one night a week of normalcy, of where she could behave like the rest of the residents. For a few short hours every week she'd forget that she was a widow, she'd forget about all the pain the last few years had caused her, and for that she was grateful.

* * *

She was on her third drink, it was just one those kinds of days, and she never really expected herself to open up to everyone, but they would not relinquish their badgering.

"Kepner, you should probably slow down," Meredith advised.

"Meredith," April spat, "Mind your own business."

"What happened today, April?" Cristina asked.

"She lost a patient," Jackson answered for her.

"We lose patients all the time, why are you going off about this one?" Alex wondered.

"Because it hit close to home, now are you guys going to get drunk with me or not?"

"I guess I can have another tequila shot," Cristina said.

"Me too," Meredith chimed in.

Before long April Kepner was too drunk to stand on her own, causing Jackson to decide that it was time to take her home.

"April, I think you've had enough for tonight. Come on, let's go home." He guided her out of the bar, where she drunkenly pulled out her cell phone.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Calling a cab, I am way too drunk to drive. And besides, my cars all the way over there," she pointed around aimlessly.

"April, I'll drive you home. Come on my cars over here," he pointed to his actual car.

"No, I'll take a cab."

"Why don't you ever let me drive you home? Hell, April we've been friends for years and I don't even know where you live. That's not normal." He didn't mean to yell at her, but he had been frustrated. April had been keeping him at an arm's length and he knew it. She was his best friend, but sometimes he felt like they were only friends at work and once they left the hospital they never really talked to one another. Whenever he had asked her to come over and watch a movie or to have dinner or just to hang out, she would always decline, it was so confusing for him. And then she started crying.

"I know it's not normal, Jackson. Don't you think I know that?"

"Then why won't you let me in?"

"I can't. I just can't."

"April," he gently said, "Please tell me why this patient hit you so hard. I'm your best friend, I want to help you. Why won't you let me help you?"

She didn't know if it was the alcohol talking or if it was her finally wanting to open up to someone, "Because, I was Emma?"

"What, I don't follow."

"Jonathan Granger came in today, car accident, he was pronounced brain dead within an hour of his arrival," she explained.

"I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean you were Emma?" Before April could delve into it further, she hunched over and hurled all over the ground. Jackson held her hair back, he had never seen her this drunk before. He picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, when she was done, and put her in his car. He put her address in the navigation system, he had it from the Christmas cards she had sent out and also because it was in the hospital directory and made his way to her house. He was surprised that she lived so far out of the city, Hell she lived in the suburbs. He pulled onto her street, it was a cul-de-sac and then he made it to her house. It was a nice, red-bricked house with an impeccable garden and there was another car in the driveway, which confused Jackson even more.

* * *

"Hey," he gently rocked her knee, "Hey, April we're home."

"What?"

"We're at your house, here come on," he unbuckled her seatbelt and helped her out of his car. She was no longer piss drunk and could make it to her front door without any problems.

"You sure have a nice place, I never imagined you'd be living in a house."

"Yeah," she replied. She opened the front door and walked in, leaving it open behind her. Jackson was unsure of what he was supposed to do. Should he follow her? Did she want him to follow her? He was a little curious to see what the inside of her house looked like, so he decided to take the bait and he followed her in. If anything he could claim that he just wanted to make sure she was all right. He gently closed the door behind him.

"April," an old woman's voice called, "April is that you?"

"Crap," she muttered under her breath, "Yeah, Francine it's me."

"Francine?" Jackson thought, "What on earth is going on here?"

Then an elderly woman came out of the kitchen and saw April and Jackson, who April hadn't noticed, "She's already down for the night so if you and your gentlemen friend were planning on anything," she trailed off.

"Gentlemen friend?" April asked then she turned around and saw Jackson, and her mouth just dropped, "Uh, Francine this is my friend Jackson he works at the hospital with me."

"Jackson, this is Francine."

"I just drove April home, it's nice to met you," he extended his hand.

"And you too," she politely smiled back, "Well I best be going. Tell the little bug that I'll be back in the morning to take her to the zoo. Good night!" The old woman called as she left April's house.

April just stood there in shock; no amount of alcohol could make this feeling of dread go away. She had to explain everything to Jackson who was just staring at her with a look of pure disbelief on his face. He hadn't been paying much attention to April and Francine's conversation, which gave him the opportunity to scan the living room. And that's when he spotted the picture of the little girl with long, wavy dark brown hair sitting on April's lap and then another one of a young man and April, clearly in a wedding dress.

"Jackson," she began.

"You're married?" He asked, "And you have a kid? Why on earth would you tell us that you're a virgin? Why have you lied about this for years, years April? I've been your friend for years, don't you think I deserved to know this?"

"It's complicated."

"It's not really, so you're married, what's the big deal? Why didn't you tell any of us?"

"Because I'm not married," she spat out, "My husband died Jackson."

"Oh," his face dropped, "Oh April I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"No, of course you didn't, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really."

"Do you want me to go?"

"Not really."

"Okay, I'll just sleep on the couch then."

"Thank you, Jackson. And please don't say anything to anyone else about this, I don't really want them knowing about Claire, they'll just ridicule me."

"I promise I won't. Goodnight April."

"Goodnight, Jackson."


	2. Breakfast at Tiffany

April woke up with a pounding headache. She had not anticipated drinking that much last night, she was a tad bit embarrassed at how she had spoken to her friends. They were only trying to help her and they couldn't have known how much Emma affected her yesterday. She looked over at her nightstand where a picture of Matthew in his paramedic's uniform was placed; he had looked so handsome in the photo. She remembered the day he told her he wanted to be a paramedic, and just the thought of the gleeful smile on his face brought one to hers.

" _April, April," he shouted, practically pushing her over like a bulldozer when she finally opened the door._

" _Matthew, what is it? What's go you so happy?"_

" _I know what I want to do," he gleefully exclaimed._

" _Oh? And what's that?"_

" _I want to be a paramedic. I mean it just makes sense. I'm helping people, I'd be able to be on the front lines, plus I get to wear a sexy uniform and I know how much you love a man in uniform."_

" _That I do," she said, "Come here," she instructed as she pulled her boyfriend in by the waist and took him to her bed. She had never been more turned on in her life, finally Matthew was sure of himself; finally he was happy and had a strong head on top of his shoulders. April had never really understood his apprehension when it came to his career, since she had known she wanted to be a surgeon since she was eight, but she tried to be as supportive a girlfriend as possible. But she had to admit, there was nothing sexier than a man who was sure of him, a man who was about to take the bull by the horns and conquer his life._

" _April, what are you doing?" He asked. She was kissing him forcefully and her legs were wrapped around his waist._

" _Matt, I want this," she admitted as she gazed up at him._

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Yes. Make love to me."_

She stretched her arms up over her head and made her way to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and she wasn't impressed. Normally she wasn't the biggest fan of her appearance, despite the number of times Matthew had reminded her of how beautiful she was, she could never fully shake her sisters' voices calling her an ugly duckling. As she looked in the mirror now, she had last night's eyeliner smudged under her eyes, her hair was in knots, and her skin had a couple new pimples since she forgot to take off her makeup last night. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot because she slept in her contact lenses too. "At least it's just me and Claire," she thought to herself as she splashed some cold water on her face and then stepped into the shower. Although she had a pounding headache, she knew a hot shower would solve some of her problems.

After she got out of the shower and towel dried her hair, she put on an old Ohio State t-shirt and some leggings, since today was her day off she didn't feel like it was important to look fancy. She went to wake Claire up, since she and Francine were set to go to the zoo in about an hour. April would have gone, but Francine insisted on a grandma-granddaughter day and also that April have one day off. April was grateful that she could get some rest today, being a surgical resident and a single mom was taking its toll on her. She made a mental list of the errands she wanted to run today, she had to go grocery shopping to buy ingredients for the bake sale at Claire's school, then she had to go to the dry cleaners and pick up Claire's dance costume, her recital was in two weeks and it needed alterations, and finally she needed to go to the post office to send a package for her niece Heather's birthday. For most people the day would seem pretty full, but for April it was quite relaxing.

"Claire, sweetheart," April knelt by her daughters bed and gently stroked her cheek. She loved looking at her daughter who was sound asleep on her stomach, with her arms splayed out on her pillow just like Matthew used to do. April was surprised that Claire wasn't clutching Gary, but he was placed right next to her head. She smiled at the thought of her daughter kissing her stuffed animal goodnight, which had become a habit of hers as of late.

See, Claire knew all about Matthew, April thought it was best to never stray away from the topic of her father. It wasn't like Matthew had left or that he and April had gotten a divorce, he had died. And it was hard for April to explain to her daughter that her daddy was in heaven. She loved her daughter more than anything in the world, but there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for that conversation. As April gently stroked Claire's hair, which was the same color as Matthew's, she thought of the day where she had to explain to her where her daddy was.

 _Claire had been in kindergarten for three months when the flyer came out for the daddy-daughter dance, and when she showed it to April she felt her heart get stuck in her throat._

" _Mommy, I want to go to the daddy-daughter dance, but I don't have a daddy," Claire explained to her mother. April knew that her daughter was a bright girl and that she had been picking up on other people's family dynamics. Her best friend, Gina had both a mommy and a daddy and so did her friend Yvonne. Both their parents had been so kind to April, offering to help her out whenever she needed, she was truly glad her daughter had found friends with such amazing parents._

 _April swallowed hard, "Honey, of course you have a daddy, everyone has a daddy."_

" _Then why haven't I seen him?"_

" _You can't see your daddy, not like other daddies, but you can feel him. Right here." She pointed to her daughter's chest as she tried not to cry._

" _Will I ever be able to see my daddy one day?" She innocently asked. April didn't want to tell her daughter that her father was dead. She was too young to even know about the concept of death. Claire stared at her with her deep blue doe eyes and April knew she couldn't lie to her, what good would that have done?_

" _Claire," she gently responded, "You know how in Sunday school they talk about heaven?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Well, that's where your daddy is."_

" _Oh," she sighed, "So, he's an angel?"_

" _Yes," April smiled, "Your daddy became an angel before you were even born and he's been watching over me and you ever since."_

" _That's good," she laughed._

" _Yes it is," April, responded._

" _Mommy?"_

" _Yeah baby?"_

" _Will I ever have a daddy that I can talk to, hug, kiss?"_

" _I don't know baby, maybe." April didn't want to get her daughter's hopes up about the prospect of a new father. Truthfully April had been too busy to date, being a third year resident and all, and she wasn't ready to let another man into her life like she had Matthew. Even though his death was almost six years ago, the wounds still felt fresh. She guessed that was what it was supposed to be like when you lost your other half._

" _I want you to have a daddy, mommy," the young girl stated, "Everyone else's mommy has a daddy. I'm okay with not having a daddy, but you need one." April couldn't help but smile at the genuinely kind sentiment her daughter had just said._

" _I love you," was all April could mutter._

" _To the moon and back," Claire replied._

" _For the rest of my days," April laughed as she kissed her daughter's forehead._

"No, no, no," Claire groaned, always the complainer, never the efficient riser.

"You're going to the zoo with grandma today, did you forget?" The little girl popped out of bed.

"How could I forget the zoo? Mommy did you know that the zoo has every animal imaginable?"

"Really?" April asked sarcastically, while raising her left brow.

"Yes! Last time me and Grandma went I saw a giraffe, can you believe it?"

"You're kidding!"

"Mommy, you're teasing me!" The little girl scoffed, slightly embarrassed.

"No, I'm not. I just think it's kind of funny that you're so excited about the zoo. You sure do love animals don't you?"

"How can you not? They're cute, they're cuddly, and they're absolutely positively adorable!"

"Well, missy, if you don't get up and at 'em you may not be able to see them. Now, let's get you dressed."

"Okay, I want to wear my penguin shirt, and then my jeans, purse or no purse?" April just shook her head at her fashionista daughter. Where she got it from was a mystery to her, but it was absolutely adorable.

"No purse, you don't want to lose it."

"You're right! You're so smart mommy!"

"I try," April, laughed, "Now let's go downstairs and get some breakfast in that tummy before grandma gets here, piggyback ride?"

"Yes!" April crouched down as her daughter climbed onto her back, she loved getting her Saturday morning piggyback rides and April loved giving them.

As they made their way down the stairs, Claire shouted, causing April to almost drop her.

"Mommy! Who's that?" She pointed to the couch in the living room.

"Oh my God," April gasped, "Jackson." What on earth was he doing here, she thought. Why was he on her couch, sound asleep at 7:30 in the morning? Then the events of last night started to hit her, she had a lot of explaining to do. She put Claire down on the ground and told her to meet her in the kitchen.

"I'm going to talk to Dr. Avery for a couple of minutes, can you go in the kitchen please?"

"Okay!"

April walked over to the couched and gently woke Jackson up, who hadn't actually been asleep. Something about a little girl screeching like mad did nothing to help his beauty sleep. He opened his eyes and tried to act surprised at the fact that April was standing above him.

"Jackson?"

"Yeah?" He grouchily replied.

"Do you want breakfast?"

"You're not kicking me out?"

"Consider it a bribe, plus I know that Claire won't let me hear the end of it if she doesn't get to met you. So, go get yourself decent and I'll have breakfast ready in fifteen minutes. There's extra stuff in the bathroom upstairs on the right," she instructed.

After Jackson had gotten himself cleaned up, he made his way downstairs to the kitchen and then he saw her. He had never seen her so confidant, he had never seen her move around so effortlessly. In the hospital she was normally a bit neurotic, on everyone's toes about following the rules, and she could be a tad annoying. He never tried to think of her that way because she was his best friend, but sometimes he couldn't help it. Now, it all made sense. But as he stood in the doorway watching April, who was dancing along to some music and talking to her daughter about the day she had planned, she just looked like she was so in command of herself. She was free and it was sexy. He had never thought of his best friend like this, but now, more than anything he wanted to take her and prop her up on the granite countertops and have his way with her. He didn't know if it was because she was a mother or because he had finally seen all of April Kepner, after all these years.

"Morning Jackson," she smiled breaking him from his daze.

"Morning."

"Claire, this is Dr. Avery, he works with me at the hospital," she told the little girl who was doodling in a notebook.

"Hi," she greeted pleasantly.

"Hi Claire," Jackson responded back.

"So, why haven't I ever seen you before, are you and my mommy friends?"

"Yes, you could say that." He didn't know if it was appropriate to tell a six-year that her mother had hidden her existence from all her friends and co-workers at the hospital. That surely would have damaged her self-esteem.

"Well, I've never met any of mommy's friends from work, only the ones she meets at my school," the little girl uses her finger to gesture to Jackson to come closer, "And I know she doesn't like them as much as she likes her friends from the hospital," she whispers in his ear. "Damn, this little girl is smart," he thinks to himself.

"Alright everyone, I have eggs and pancakes, so eat up," April interrupted. The little girl was about to dive head first into her plate of food, until April stopped her and reminded her to say grace. So, she, April, and Jackson joined hands and prayed, although Jackson didn't pray because he didn't believe in God but he participated anyways.

Soon after they had finished with breakfast, the doorbell rang meaning Francine was here to pick up Claire. Once she had left, April made her way back to the kitchen where Jackson was sitting quietly.

"So, you have questions?"

"Why would you keep her hidden?" He asked, "She's a great kid. Witty just like you."

"Trust me, I don't know where she gets her sass. I swear I never let her watch raunchy TV shows or listen to inappropriate music," April defended.

"April," he paused, "She's great. She's really great. You've done an amazing job with her."

"Really?" She could feel the tears coming, "No one's ever said that to me before."

"You can't be serious."

"I mean, sure Francine and my family have told me I'm a good mom, but that's because they're obligated to. No one who isn't family has ever told me that I'm doing okay, thank you." Jackson didn't realize how much his words had meant to his best friend, so he just smiled at her and responded, "If you let people know about her, I bet more people would say the same thing."

"I know."

"Well, I better get going, I've already overstayed my welcome." As he got up to leave April called back to him.

"Jackson."

"Yeah?"

"I'm running some errands today, would you want to come? I know it's not the most fun thing in the world, but we never hang out outside of the hospital."

"I'd love to."

A/N: Hope you all enjoy this story! This will become Japril eventually and I'm sorry for this shorter chapter, finals are kicking my butt! Xoxo –R.


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